What I Wish I Knew Before Becoming a Dad: 10 Things

By Dave · Dad Life · showingupdad.com

No one has all the answers. Some of this you just have to live through. But there’s a short list of stuff I genuinely didn’t know going in that would have helped me be less of a mess in the first few months. Here it is.

1. Babies are loud when they sleep.

Grunting, squeaking, something that sounds like a small woodland creature. I stood over the bassinet more times than I can count trying to figure out if something was wrong. It was never wrong. They’re just noisy. Once I knew that, the 2am heart attacks stopped.

2. You will check if they’re breathing constantly.

I did it, apparently a lot of people do. You’ll reach a point where you’ve verified he’s breathing enough times that you feel slightly ridiculous about it. That’s fine. Do it anyway. It’s just what happens.

3. The mental load is real and it starts on day one.

I’d heard people talk about mental load before. I thought I understood it. I did not. The running list of things to track, remember, research, and anticipate is enormous. Jump in before you’re asked. Don’t wait for a job to be assigned to you.

4. Becoming a dad didn’t come naturally to me at first.

My wife took to it immediately. I was figuring it out as I went. That gap was hard to sit with. I was there, I was doing the work, I just wasn’t as instinctive about it. That changed over time. But if you feel like you’re behind in the first few weeks, that’s not a sign something’s wrong with you.

5. “Sleep when the baby sleeps” is good advice that’s also impossible.

I know. That’s the whole problem with it. The dishes are sitting there. The laundry isn’t going to do itself. You have 40 minutes and your brain won’t shut off anyway. I’m not going to pretend I had a solution. I will say: prioritize sleep over everything else when you can actually make that call. Sometimes you have to wake a sleeping baby, despite what the grandparents might say.

6. Take the photos.

I didn’t take enough in the first few weeks. I wanted to be present and not watch him through a phone. He was only that small for a few weeks. A photo takes three seconds. I wish I’d gotten more candid ones of her with him too. I have the ones I took and I’m glad I took them.

7. Your relationship will be tested.

Not in a dramatic way. In a low-grade, relentless, when-is-it-ever-my-turn way. You’re both exhausted. You’re both running on nothing. Small things get bigger when there’s no margin. The couples who come out the other side okay are the ones who stay on the same team and keep talking, even when the conversation is just logistics. I like to say its us vs the baby.

8. Contact naps feel unproductive. They’re not.

This one I learned too late. Sitting there with him asleep on my chest, unable to move, felt like I was ruining sleep training. Looking back, it wasn’t. That version of him was only around for a few weeks. I’d do more of them.

9. Getting outside helps more than you think.

For you, for your wife, for the baby. Loading up the stroller felt like an expedition at first. Pack the bag, hit the weather window, time it between feedings. Do it anyway. Twenty minutes outside resets something that twenty minutes on the couch doesn’t. Don’t forget the double check the diaper bag.

10. You’re going to be okay.

I know that sounds like filler. It’s not. There are moments in the first month where everything feels like too much and you don’t know if you’re doing any of it right. You probably are. The fact that you’re worried about it means you’re paying attention. That’s most of the job.

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